Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Who Would You Rather Eat With?

At the San Jose Jazz Festival Gala on Thursday, Al Castellano bid $18,000 to win a lunch date with the future mayor of San Jose. Al doesn’t know where the lunch will be or whether it will be with Chuck Reed or Cindy Chavez. Personally, I feel the two determinants of a good meal are food and company. Al must be an adventurous man because he doesn’t know either. So let’s speculate what his lunch could be like…

Doodle doodle doo…. Doodle doodle doo…

If Chuck Reed wins the election…

Al is waiting at home for his date with Chuck. When Al hears the trademark horn of the General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard, he knows that it’s 12am sharp, and Chuck is waiting for him outside. He takes Al to a traditional restaurant, that’s also very cheap. Probably Applebees. Chuck orders the 12-ounce steak with a side of Freedom Fries for only $6.99. They converse about new technology and Chuck explains his confusion about the “tiny new audio box called a Me-Pod?!?” Chuck then reprimands Al when he casually places an elbow on the tabletop. The bill comes. And Chuck is one of those guys who thinks the waiter has to earn his tip. Because this waiter didn’t do anything above and beyond expectations, Chuck leaves an 8% tip.

If Cindy Chavez wins the election…

Cindy pulls up in front of Al’s home in a slick Grand Prix Race Car. She takes Al to the restaurant furthest from wherever Ron Gonzales is eating that day. Cindy is a little younger, so she talks with Al about what movies are hot. She also has a five-year-old son so those movies are likely to include Disney Channel Original Movies. Some Mercury News reporters are probably hiding nearby and are ready to write headlines about any misstep. If she orders a Diet Coke, the Merc will say “Cindy Chavez Encourages Anorexia!” If she whispers when she orders appetizers, the Merc will proclaim “Chavez Makes Secret Deals with Waitress!” And if she leaves an 18% tip, the Merc will declare “Chavez Approves Unreasonable Subsidy!” Hopefully, Cindy’s husband Mike Potter doesn’t enter the restaurant in a jealous rage and whoop on poor Al.

3 Comments:

At 9:33 PM, Anonymous gettinhungryforvictory said...

Love the lunch scenes! You guys are hilarious!

 
At 9:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Vietnamese Heritage Garden is opening on Sunday. The pols all line up with hard hats and shovels. Hope there wont be any swinging...

 
At 8:30 AM, Anonymous former SJMN subscriber said...

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/opinion/15348705.htm

It looks like the Mercury News is already regretting its garbage-congract witch-hunt.

Hey Merc writers: it is fun to play "real journalist" from time to time. But when you work so hard to control the public's perception of City Hall and its policies, you have to be prepared for the consequences. You claim "politics prevailed" in forming the new garbage contract? Wrong - the Mercury News prevailed. This is your doing.

 

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